Dildos: non-vibrating toys, made in many different shapes and sizes, used for vaginal and anal penetration as well as clitoral stroking.
How long have dildos been around? 100 years? 200 years? A millennium? Think again, because theyâve been in use as long as women have had a sex drive. Youâll see dildos depicted in ancient art, and history shows they were created and adored by women in many cultures, from Greece to China, India and beyond.
A dildo (or dong) describes any toy designed to be inserted vaginally or anally. Dildos donât vibrate, so if it takes a battery, itâs not a dildo (although some vibrators look phallic and are designed for insertion). Today, they come in a variety of lengths, shapes, diameters and colorsâa far cry from the one large Caucasian replica that dominated dildo sales for years. Heck, you can even get a dildo today that glows in the dark!
For solo ecstasy, dildos are fun, simple and safeâoffering you the greatest amount of control, for you and only you determine the degree and angle of penetration, thrusting speed and all other creative uses. And with the added pressure and sexual fullness they provide, theyâre the best for earth-shaking vaginal orgasms. As youâll see later in this book, you can also use one in tandem with a vibrator, creating nearly unlimited possibilities for orgasms.
Dildos open up many exciting options for partner sex, too. And since penetration isnât a dildos only purpose, you can enjoy intense pleasure when your lover positions it for friction across your clitoris, down between the labia and just inside the vaginal opening. With an added dab of lube, youâll quickly be in toy orgasm heaven!
With so many choices today, youâll find all the advice you need in this chapter to narrow them down to your favorites. You can then leaf through a catalog or visit an online sex shopâor take a field trip to a local sex boutique. Some shops display samples outside their packages, perfect for an up-close touch-testâso you can choose the toy thatâs got the texture, heft and flexibility (or stiffness) to fan your flames.
Lubricants Of Love
If youâve never tried sexual lubricants (âlubeâ), or havenât used the slippery stuff in a while, youâre in for a treat. Lubricants help you enhance your sexual ecstasy without any riskâand they cost next to nothing.
Whether youâre self-pleasuring, using a toy, or engaging in passionate intercourse, lubrication increases your sensitivity by creating smoother, slipperier surfaces wherever you choose to apply it. Slathered on sex toys, they become safer and easier to use. On your lover, youâll discover a new level of ecstasy. And on your own erogenous zones, youâll find yourself on the ceiling!
Sex lubricants come in two main varieties: water- or silicone-based. Here are the advantages of each:
Water-Based Lubes
Similar to the feel of natural vaginal fluids, you can find water-based lubes in a variety of consistencies, from liquid to jelly. Liquid varieties are ideal for all-around play, while jellies tend to have more lasting power for extended encounters. However, they may not last long enough for anal pleasure. Water-based lubes are ideal to use with condoms. There are also flavored varieties for use during oral sex. Water-based lubes rarely irritate, and wash easily out of sheets, bedspreads and auto upholstery! Toy clean-up is easy, too. And as for you, itâs an easy wash-off with a wet wash cloth.
Silicone-Based Lubes
A super-slippery lube, silicone lasts and lasts for longer friction-free fun. This makes it ideal for in-the-water sex or anal play. Itâs also compatible with safer-sex practices, such as condoms or latex gloves. Because it doesnât break down in water, though, your shower or tub surfaces could become slippery. Be sure to use cautiously and clean up thoroughly.
Warning! Never use household products as lubricant! Petroleum jelly, massage oil, hand lotion and cooking oil are awful choices for lube, because they arenât made to go inside your body, can cause infections and will also break down latex condoms.
Recover from pregnancy quicker. Perform daily Kegel exercises to tighten up the pelvic floor muscles to get you back into multiple orgasmic shape!
If youâre more comfortable without penetration, thereâs a wealth of vibrators today for you to use topically. Choose the one that will accommodate any new sensitivities youâre feeling during pregnancy. If your desire for sex has declined during this time, a vibrator may be just the ticket for you and your lover.
You donât have to give up your sexual pleasures. Just observe a few simple lovemaking rules to ensure the safety of you and your baby. Start by asking your physician. Donât be embarrassedâyou wouldnât be there in the first place if not for sex!
Intercourse, as well as dildos and insertable vibrators, are generally safe during low-risk pregnancies as long as youâre careful not to harm the opening of the cervix at the back of the vaginal canal. Use plenty of lubricant (see next chapter), and make sure your toys are ultra-clean. Youâre okay to climax, tooâas often as you like! Itâs a myth that this will induce premature labor. Orgasms during pregnancy can help calm cramping and bloating, relieve headaches and help you sleep better.
Whether youâre planning for a solitary experienceâor one shared with a partnerâa few simple steps can help you get comfortable to free your mind and body.
Set the stage. Disconnect your phone, cellular or pager. Accent your surroundings to create just the right ambiance. And be sure to gather any visual and sexual aids on your romantic menu within armâs reach.
Sound. Select the music to match your mood: slow and romantic for sexy and sensual; upbeat for pump-it-up action. Flip in a long-playing CD so you wonât be interrupted by mood-busting commercials on the radio.
Candles and lighting. Nothing beats a soft glow for romantic ambiance. Light the candlesâand dim the lights.
Temperature. Warmer air may ignite your passions, but cooler air might increase your sensitivity. Choose accordingly.
Aroma. Scented candles, perfumes, flowers or incense can provide intimate, subtle aromas to heighten the senses. Just donât overdo it.
Location location location. Donât limit yourself to the bed or couchâplaying in the bathtub or shower adds spice!
Entertainment. Videos, magazines, erotic literature or Internet sites can all accompany toy play with great visuals for titillation or fantasy.
Privacy. For heavenâs sake, put the kids to bed… and make sure theyâre asleep! Donât let an innocent request for âa glass of waterâ mess up your well-deserved orgasm.
Talk it up. Donât be shy to whisper sweet dirty nothings to your partner!
The female body is one of natureâs most beautiful works of art. Soft, curvy, sensual, erotic. Regrettably, many women arenât really acquainted with their very own masterpiece. Yet simply by becoming comfortable with your own touch-sensitive areasâand understanding a little more about themâyouâll quickly enhance your own pleasure, sensually and sexually.
Because a maleâs genitals are externalâand deliver pure primal âmotivationâ all day longâguys tend to be self-proclaimed experts on their own sexual anatomy. Letâs just see how much you guys really know:
Shaft. Itâs made up of two sections of spongy erectile tissue and blood vessels, plus a third section that extends to the tip of the penis. To create an erection, these tissues fill with blood.
Glans. The most sensitive part of the penis, the glans (âheadâ) contains the greatest number of nerve endings, making it very similar to the clitoris in women. At the bottom edge of the glans is the frenulum, which connects the glans to the shaft, and has many nerve endings which produce pleasure for men during stroking.
Testicles. This is where testosterone and sperm are produced. Located inside the scrotum (âsackâ), these two organs are best handled delicately, though some men find gentle stretching or tugging to be pleasurable.
Prostate. This is the organ that produces the ejaculatory fluid, which later mixes with sperm to make semen. It is located below the bladder and behind the pubic bone, and can be stimulated through the anus. A pleasure center in men, many can climax from direct prostate stimulation.
Anus. The anus has a high concentration of nerve endings and can evoke significant pleasure for men. While some men consider anal stimulation to be unnatural or only okay for women, others discover it can provide many new sensations and orgasms.
Perenium. Extending from the back of the scrotum to the front of the anus, the perineum is often overlooked as an erogenous zone that merits exploration. Also known as the âtaint.â
Nipples. A manâs nipples can be every bit as sensitive as a womanâs, and many men enjoy gentle sucking, stroking or pinching from their partners.
Erogenous Zones are areas of the human body that can be sexually arousing when touched and caressed, either by your partner or by yourself.
Do you know your most powerful sex organ? Look up. Itâs your brain. Itâs where your body receives its most powerful sexual signals, such as attitudes, desires and fantasies. In short, your turn-onsâand your turn-offs. Often gaining a better understanding about your body can turn off a hang-up foreverâleaving you freer to explore and enjoy your own sexuality
Yes, the sensations and vibrations of another object in bed with you can be a bit unusual the first time, but this doesnât mean thereâs anything amiss. What could be amiss is that you didnât discuss your desire to bring a toy into bed before the lovemaking began. A gentle conversation about the subject, perhaps eased with a glass of wine and the glow of candlelight can actually inspire the desire you were seeking.
Humans are built for sex; toys are designed for foreplay and fun, or extending the lovemaking after intercourse. So the answer is yes, she will still want you, and now, probably more.
I know you guys can get just as antsy about introducing sex toys. But once you overcome your hesitation, you may soon discover intimate pleasures youâve only dreamed about. And toys offer many other benefits, too:
You increase your sexual mastery. If you want to be a bigger star in bed, a toy can help you raise the volume of your partnerâs orgasms, making her climax easier, more often, and with much greater intensity.
You add variety to your lovemaking. Toys give you a new means to satisfy your partner. Theyâre not competition for your hands, penis and tongue, they simply give you a new way to pleasure your partner that will drive her wild and make her crave you more often.
You gain new steam. Toys let you continue pleasing your lover after youâve been totally satisfiedâeasily, passionately, completely.
You earn more appreciation and affection. When you focus on her pleasure, youâll get a lot more in return.
